Haha

Funnniest video ever!

More lame science jokes

quote: "What element describes the actions of a good doctor? Curium. Or how about Helium."

quote: "What elements describe the actions of a bad doctor? Barium"

quote: "What element describes the actions of a cowboy? Europium."

quote: "What element describes what a poker player does with his cards? Palladium."

quote: "Why did Le Chatelier's chicken cross the road? There were too few chickens on the other side."

quote: "Notice that the alkyl substituents are on C2 and C4, not C3PO."

Lame jokes made by my chem teacher (she admitted it so this is not mean)

quote: "How many atoms are in guacamole? Avocado's number."

quote: "Don't worry, I will continue to punish you with puns for the rest of the semester."

quote: "A neutron walked into a bar and got a drink. When he asked the bartender how much it cost, the bartender replied "For you, no charge.""

quote: "2s electrons and 2p electrons are all valence electrons. I don't mean valence as in what you do to cover a window or a city in Spain. Valencia is a city in Spain."

quote: "Organic chemistry is very important to the pharmaceutical industry. You may have taken Aspirin or Tylenol before." She points to the screen. "Of course, you are probably too young to have taken the little blue pill (viagra)"

quote: "Chocolate is like cocaine for dogs" She said this in all seriousness but it got the biggest laughs.

quote: "My best classes are when I hear groans coming from my students."

The following needs you to visualize the situation. She takes a methane molecule model and places it in front of her face. She then proceeds to place the model on her forehead and says. "Methane, apply directly to the forehead."

quote: "Success tip number 1, laugh at my jokes"

In all seriousness, she seems pretty enthusiastic in her teaching methods. I will update you with new jokes as they come up. By the way, all the above came from the first lecture.

Oscars

First, sorry about the lack of posts recently. It was reading break after all and I literally read the entire week (4 midterms this week). Second, I watched the Academy Awards last night. Some of my thoughts:

• Why is it so long? Over 3 hours again. Why not split the awards show into 2 parts. Part 1 can be the technical awards i.e. editing, sound mixing etc and part 2 can be the part people actually watch (best actor, best director, best film etc.). To shorten the length for the viewer, just don't air the first part (maybe the networks could stream it online for hard core people). The minor awards would still have the same recognition in front of their peers and these people are probably just made more nervous by knowing there are millions of people watching them anyways.
• Everyone who was expected to win, won. The moment of the night was when Heath Ledger won for the Dark Knight. Everyone stood up and gave his family a standing ovation as they went up to accept the award. It was amazing that every person they put the camera on was tearing up. I wonder if the camera guys gave them some heads up so that they could prepare to be on camera (they are actors after all. I bet some of them used pepper or some other old actor trick)
• Ben Stiller' parody of Joaquin Phoenix was pretty funny (seriously though, what was that guy thinking? From actor to rapper? He should leave the white man pretending to be black thing to the serious actors)
• What happened to the funny bit at the beginning? That is what I always liked to watch. This year, they tried to be more serious with a musical theme. I don't like musicals. Most men don't like musicals. In fact, I'm starting to get the impression that this show is skewed to women. The host was voted the sexiest man alive, there were musical numbers throughout, almost every commercial break had a soap or shampoo commercial, during the red carpet there were a lot of gay men talking about fashion. Just saying.
  
• I thought the Oscars were only about movies. Turns out I'm wrong because a lot of non-movie people showed up. It's fine when the singers are part of performances in the show but people like Miley Cyrus or even TVactors shouldn't be there because they are not part of the industry.
  

Rules for choosing a pet

I am writing this after hearing about that chimpanzee attack that resulted in the death of a woman in Connecticut. You might think that it probably escaped from a zoo, but you are wrong. It was actually the pet chimpanzee of her friend that killed the woman. Apparently, there are 15000 families in the US with primates as house pets. If these people would just read the checklist below, they wouldn't have any problems with their pets.

1) Is the pet bigger than you? If so, you probably shouldn't have it as a pet because animals generally regard smaller animals as prey. Also, imagine how much you would have to feed it everyday.

2) Could the pet survive without you? If the answer is yes, then it probably a wild animal and won't warm to you anyways.

3) Is the animal capable of showing affection? See, cats and dogs are perfect for this because they are soft and cuddly (to humans) and have expressions recognizable by humans. Parrots are also good because they can tell you they love you etc. Reptiles are generally bad for this because no matter how much a snake sprays its love pheromones, you are not going to pick up on them.

4) Would a predator bother eating your pet? If the answer is no, then it probably has some defense mechanism you don't want to get on the wrong end of. Why bother with a turtle? Every time you get close, it's going to hide in its shell. (Sorry, I had a bad experience with turtles)

5) If the animal escaped, would they ruin the local ecosystem? If yes, the animal is too exotic and probably expensive as well.

6) Do Asian people eat this animal? Sorry, just had to throw that one in. Seriously though, its not going to narrow down the list for you so move on to the next one.

7) How does the animal reproduce? If you are getting a pet rabbit, make sure you only get one because those things increase exponentially. Money however, does not. If your animal reproduces asexually, you've probably just killed it right now by looking at it through a microscope.

In conclusion, humans have bred dogs and cats to be good pets throughout our history. Leave the chimpanzees in their natural habitat and adopt a dog or cat instead. Besides, dogs and cats don't have to wear diapers.

So what are you going to do for the rest of your life?

As you all know, I am planning on becoming a pharmacist (as long as I get in). However, if that doesn't work out, I'm really not sure what I want to get a degree in. I'm pretty sure most of you are in the same boat. So I have researched some "good" jobs according to some magazines :

From US World and News report:

• Audiologist
• Biomedical equipment technician
• Clergy
• Curriculum/training specialist
• Engineer
• Firefighter
• Fundraiser
• Genetic counselor
• Ghostwriter
  
• Government manager
• Hairstylist/Cosmetologist
• Health policy specialist
• Higher education administrator
• Landscape architect
• Librarian
• Locksmith/Security system technician
• Management consultant
• Mediator
• Occupational therapist
• Optometrist
• Pharmacist
• Physical therapist
• Physician assistant
• Politician/Elected official
• Registered nurse
• School psychologist
• Systems analyst
• Urban planner
• Usability/User experience specialist
• Veterinarian

A few notes on the above list:

• I was surprised at clergy made it on the list. I guess God is a pretty cool boss. I'd have thought the celibacy as a job responsibility thing would have knocked it down a couple pegs
  
• Glad fundraiser was on the list since I'm already doing a little bit of it
• Ghostwriter seemed promising but it turns out its just bascially a speech writer
• notice how locksmith was followed by security system technician. How politically correct of them
• how much training do you need to be a usability/user experience specialist?
• I don't think librarian should be on this list. Maybe it's just from some bad experiences in high school
• School psychologist should get paid more. Just think about how many Columbine-esque tragedies they have prevented without recognition
  

From Boston.com:

10. psychologist
9. pharmacist
8. real estate appraiser
7. computer/IT analyst
6. market research analyst
5. physicians assistant
4. HR manager
3. financial advisor
2. college professor (although they were a bit deceiving on this on. They mentioned that the median salary is $351, 542 for the DEAN OF MEDICINE! That's not the same as college professor)
1. software engineer

Notes:

• I'm seeing some recurring careers here as the following are on both lists: pharmacist, physicians assistant, psychologist, higher education staff, engineer

By the way, for those of you going into science related jobs, here is a hint for you. Don't go into any of the following as they are the worst science jobs according to Popular Science magazine:

10. Whale feces researcher (pretty obvious)
9. forensic entomologist (you study dead things and maggots)
8. olympic drug tester (you anger a nation is you get one, you look incompetent if you miss one)
7. gravity research subject (you lie in bed for 21 days straight to test the effects of lack of gravity)
6. microsoft security grunt (apparently, windows explorer is like the death star to hackers out there)
5. coursework carcass preparer (pretty obvious)
4. garbologist (think Indiana Jones, in a dumpster)
3. elephant vasectomist (guess what you will be looking at all day?)
2. oceanographer (not very obvious but apparently the oceans are slowly becoming inhospitable and there is nothing they can do about it)
1. hazmat driver (dive into sewage. Sounds like fun)