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Thursday, July 16, 2009

Biopics that should be made but probably won't

Note: When I talk about movies, I mean major motion pictures and not documentaries or miniseries.

Hitler: What did this guy ever do to deserve..oh ya. There have been many portrayals of Nazi Germany and and concentration camps, some with even brief glimpses of Hitler himself (Valkyrie being the most recent). But what about a movie about Hitler's life (and not the part where he kills the Jews because everybody knows about that). Sure the guy did some bad stuff but he was still human was he not? It's hard to imagine Hitler at age 9 being just absolutley evil. Didn't he want to be a painter? The movie could revolve around his adolescence because I'm sure few people know what that was like.
Why this probably won't happen: Hollywood loves a villain and Hitler is perfect for that. Also, it turns out that a lot of potential directors and actors in Hollywood who happen to be Jewish and they might not fall in love with the idea (i.e. Steven Spielberg, Woody Allen, Oliver Stone, Natalie Portman, Adrien Brody, Sean Penn). Artists will pursue art for arts sake but there are moral boundaries some will not cross.

Napolean: Apparently Stanley Kubrick (director of 2001: A Space Odyssey) wanted to make a sweeping epic about Napolean but the film was stopped because the budget was too large (ironic that anything associated with Napolean was too large). This would be a great movie because it would have lots of historical fight scenes, lots of dialogue in French accents and lots of historically correct costumes including leotard-esque pantaloons for the gents.
Why this probably won't happen: Americans/Canadians don't have a particularily strong appreciation for French history. Certainly not enough to sit in a theatre for over 2 and a half hours watching a short Frenchman conquer Europe.
By the way, does anyone else think Gary Bettman looks like Napolean?

Michaelangelo/Leonardo da Vinci: Either of these great artists would make great subjects for major motion pictures. With Michaelangelo, you could focus on David and the Sistine Chapel and with Leonardo da Vinci you could focus on his inventions and the Mona Lisa, the Last Supper etc.
Why this probably won`t happen: Watching someone paint might be as boring as watching paint dry (technically, you are watching paint dry).

Albert Einstein: You`d think Hollywood would pounce on the story of a young post office clerk who secretly creates a theory that changed science forever (kind of like in Good Will Hunting but with actual accomplishments). Add to this the fact that he is one of the most recognizable characters of the 20th century, with the flowing hair and the crazy attitude, and it`s a shock someone hasn`t won an oscar yet for portraying him in a movie.
Why this probably won`t happen: Americans or Canadians (me included) just aren't capable of following along with such complex theories (E=mc^2 is one thing but what about the theory of relativity?). It's not like you can just skip through his theories like they did in a Beautiful Mind because they were such a big part of his story.

By the way, there are several actual biopics being developed in Hollywood as we speak. Look forward to seeing Charles Darwin, Earnest Hemingway, Martin Luthor King, Frank Sinatra, Abraham Lincoln on a screen near you. (interesting that they are mostly Americans while the biopics I want are mostly of Europeans eh?)

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